Seeking the American Dream.

We were a typical young midwestern couple, mid-twenties with a one-year-old son. We had good professional jobs, but not much money since we were just starting out. Then, we found a house on Main Street within our budget for $30,000—a 100 year old fixer-upper Victorian. It had been chopped into 4 separate apartments, was generally in terrible repair, was hiding about 100 different “ailments,” BUT, had plenty of “potential.” We had a long-shot dream to restore it. Yikes! With no money to hire contractors, DIY was the only avenue. We jumped at the chance to spend our hard-earned money and every waking minute to revive our Victorian beauty.

Of course, Em (Dale back then) did the lion’s share of the renovation. Since he was a licensed architect, he loved the challenge and was highly motivated to see his visions realized. He insisted that his endless work was merely to provide a suitable home for the family, which was true. But, he was also trying to create a masterpiece. He became a single-minded artist and egomaniac. Sure, he loved his family—but the house came first.

Cheryl decided to visit her folks in Florida and asked Dale to come along. No way! He couldn’t leave the project at such a critical time. (All times were critical for the house). So, he opted to stay behind and could get more work done, without the distraction of family.

The decision to stay and work uninterrupted was the perfect set-up for learning some essential life lessons. After only two days of non-stop working, with seemingly little progress, Dale began to miss his wife and son. The “obsessive one” started to see the light—the project had NO MEANING at all without his family! Dale’s self-centered decision quickly turned into a time of loneliness and huge disappointment. He felt as though a large bucket of ice-cold water had been poured onto his dreams.

Ultimately, Dale’s obsessive and selfish behavior shifted to create a happy ending! He learned a couple of important lessons: First, the value of family and priorities was firmly planted in his awareness. Second, the emotional disturbance prompted him to turn to his trusty guitar for solace. He realized that his true passion was writing music, but not in writing the lyrics. And, he recognized he had almost NO passion for rebuilding houses. As a result, the house was never finished, and the song remained only partially-written for 20 years.

Then, in 1999, we revisited the topic and talked about why the song was never finished. Cheryl had written poetry, so she offered to finish writing the lyrics for the song. It was a poignant and life-changing experience for both of us—finally understanding the power of priorities, patience and partnership. That pivotal moment undoubtedly helped “unlock” our future together!

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