Have you ever flown on one of those “discount” airlines? Well we have, and they come complete with some pretty interesting experiences. You could even say that I’ve made some discoveries and few decisions based on those curious first-hand accounts. In fact, I made a recent purchase as a result of what I’ve learned.

First of all, the “discount” price is for the cost of the seat only (which, by the way, does NOT recline). There’s a charge to book online, which seems to be the only way to purchase a ticket. Catch 22?. Of course, no luggage is permitted beyond the carry-on, unless you’re willing to pay an outrageous additional fee.

When we flew with some friends a couple of years ago, none of us wanted to pay for extra luggage, of course, so we each carefully packed a small carry-on suitcase. No problem, right? Well, not for us, but when we weighed their luggage at our house just before leaving, it was slightly over the limit. What to do? Nothing. They concluded that surely the airline would be okay with only a couple of pounds over the limit. Right?

Wrong! When we got to the airport, signs clearly said that the airline would NOT accept ANY overage whatsoever. That presented a bit of a problem, so they got creative. They happened to be wearing vests, so they proceeded to fill every pocket with the heaviest items from their carry-on. A camera here, a GPS device there, the cell phone in that little flap, the travel guide book barely fit, wedged in on top of 10 other things in that side pocket. Perfect. Pretty soon they looked like Weebles. You know,” Weebles wobble but they don’t fall down.” Neither of them could have touched their toes if they had to, because they were so tightly stuffed with gear.

I thought to myself . . . those street market vests are just NOT made to handle such a load. So I began my search for a vest that COULD accommodate specific things, yet not look too bulky. I found what looked like the perfect thing. It’s called a Scottevest. It’s named for the company founder, Scott Jordan. Unfortunately, the price reflected the unique design. I was looking for a solution, not a long term in-“vest”-ment. So I shopped around on-line and found that one of my favorite travel-wear sites was offering the same vest at a much lower price. Perfect. I ordered one.

When it arrived, I was thoroughly entertained by its cleverness and design details. The female version has 22 pockets—all designed to be streamlined. And, the best part is that the vest is designed for technology—all the stuff you want to keep close anyway. Well, that is, if you have those things. For example, there’s an iPod pocket. I don’t have an iPod. It has a Kindle pocket. I don’t have a Kindle. It has a channel to feed your iPod earphone ear pod cords through so that they come out at the back of your neck—no tangles. But, as I just said, I don’t have an iPod. The vest also has little magnets in the hand pockets, so that you can close them easily and quickly. Why? I don’t know. It’s also equipped with an elastic loop inside one of the many pockets to hold a water bottle upright. Great, just what I needed!

The most curious thing is that large pocket across the back where . . . and I am NOT kidding, you can put your iPad. Not iPod mind you. A tablet computer! An entire iPad. I might not look puffy, but I could appear a little stiff, like I just slipped a stop sign down my collar into the back of my blouse.

Mr. Jordan has a pretty slick website, where he shows everything that HE puts into his vest. There’s even a simulation of an X-ray showing the contents of the pockets. How cool is that? They consider the vest to be the equivalent of another carry-on, without being a carry-on. The idea is that you can simply wear your vest right up to security in any airport, remove it “fully loaded,” and place it in one of those plastic trays for X-ray scanning, and you’re through. Yessireee, pretty stylish AND practical.

Even though I’ll have to make new pocket assignments to fit my own needs, I’ll undoubtedly be very cool wearing my new storage vest. I can see it now: I’ll pause slightly at security, removing the little bungee-attached chamois cloth which is neatly concealed inside the secret lining seam on the right side; I’ll wipe my sunglasses with a slight air of superiority; then magically slide them into their specially designed hidden pocket beneath the lapel; and then, after the attention-getting activities are finished, I’ll step confidently towards the TSA. Of course, as they always do, the agent (who has been appropriately impressed) will give me the familiar head-nod gesture to remove my vest and place it on the conveyor belt, just as I expected.

Then, I will wait and watch. Watch in amazement as the X-ray technician identifies each and every item. And as I step through the body scanner, I’ll glance at the security agent with a smug, knowing smile. All eyes will be on me, admiring my amazing organizational skills and preparedness. Then, as my vest clears the X-ray machine, the agent will ask, “Is this yours?” “Yes,” I will say, pleased that he had noticed. But rather than an approving smile . . . he will frown.

“Would you mind stepping over here to empty the pockets of your vest? All 22 of them!”

A humorous link: Cheap Flights

Link to Scottevest (You’ve got to see the X-ray and Mr. Jordan’s presentation)

Posted on September 10, 2011